I always wish I could start at the beginning, but I’m so used to diving into things by the seat of my pants that by the time my head catches up, we’re knee-deep and I didn’t leave a coherent trail.

A relevant starting point would be finding myself months-deep in the healthiest long distance relationship I’d been in since my first partner, I suppose. And healthiest in this context is relative; there was an unhealthy co-dependence on my partner being physically unreachable but emotionally reliable that it was enabling mental health issues that I didn’t want to acknowledge. I got into and out of other relationships without too much thought of the consequences; I reconciled myself to the mindset that as transient as I found myself in life, so too were my relationships. I was superficially hurt by each break up, realising later that I was barely emotionally invested in each person, and felt I got pretty much the same. We all just wanted to feel less lonely in the moment, and when someone better came along, we all collectively moved on, and so the story goes on.

Long distance relationships are as common to me as local ones, and despite the unspoken words, the silent judgement that often had me defensive and quick to rush to explain myself, I’ve had as much success in one as the other. It saddens me to see how easily LDRs have been dismissed, and often they’re only deemed “real” if we’ve managed the Herculean feat of meeting in person. But if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that the relationships we foster are as strong as we cultivate them to be.

Unfortunately for me, long distance or local, I never felt rooted to any place yet. Circumstances and goals rendered me uncertain of long-term aspirations such as a permanent address; my present goal was to simply survive until I got to a point I could start to build an actual life, romance et al.

And so here I am now, happily in an emotionally fulfilling long distance relationship but craving the physical intimacy and the convenience that distance deprives us of. Hopefully, I can find someone, or even a few someones, who are the right fit.

Kitty Out.