I have made the conscious decision to start dating again. Easier said than done to be honest. Aside from the whole emotional adjustment stuff, I actually have to find someone who would be remotely interested in me, and given my shy personality, I probably have better luck at getting a fictional character as a boyfriend. Luckily, it’s 2016 and Tinder is an acceptable way to meet someone – at least in the Western civilization.
Having grown up in a more conservative environment, I can’t seem to shake off the stigma that comes along with online dating. Not to mention that I’m a naturally anxious person to begin with. What if I end up being catfished by some old, fat guy who claims to be a 24 year old, gym going, dog loving, CEO of a start up company that will one day be as big as Apple? I could end up disappointed, heart-broken, alone. I could even end up dead! I’ve watched enough Web of Lies episodes to know that there are serial killers out there who are using social media to lure their victims. I may be inexperienced but I am not naive.
“Oh come on, Persephone, it won’t be so bad.” My friend, N, says when I tell her my concerns. I wish to be more like N. She’s confident in her own skin and smart to boot. Not to mention she’s as beautiful as a goddess. I met N about a year ago, when my anxiety has finally gone berserk and I had decided to go on 7 Cups Of Tea before I ended up killing myself, literally. She was a Listener there but we quickly became friends when we realized that we were only an hour drive away from each other.
“Just meet during the day… in a public place,” she says, “Everything will be fine.”
Usually, in books and films, when someone says everything will be fine, everything will definitely NOT be fine. But I figure that since I am not a fictional character, maybe it will work out?
I’m a smart person but I’ve never claimed to have the most sound logic. I don’t know, I think I just desperately want a reason to go through with it and I do know some people who have used Tinder. Did they find their soulmates? No, but it helped them destress and feel better about themselves. Right now, that sounds like exactly what I need. Besides, it will be a good ego booster… I can’t be that undesirable to men, right?
So, I shove my conservative ideals in a dark corner of my brain and gather up 6 of my prettiest pictures. I make sure that one of them is a full body image. My body is my biggest insecurity and I want them to know what they’re getting into before we even match. I write something short for my description, assuming that people actually read this stuff. And before I know it, I’m swiping left and right, more so left than right but the few rights I do swipe earn me some matches.
I feel good about myself already… Somewhat.